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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646028">night knuckles</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingistemporary/pseuds/everythingistemporary'>everythingistemporary</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ricky bowen/nini salazar-roberts one-shots [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Regret, Sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:41:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>367</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646028</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingistemporary/pseuds/everythingistemporary</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ricky reflects on why he couldn't say "I love you".</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lynne Bowen &amp; Ricky Bowen, Mike Bowen &amp; Ricky Bowen, Ricky Bowen &amp; Nini Salazar-Roberts, Ricky Bowen/Nini Salazar-Roberts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ricky bowen/nini salazar-roberts one-shots [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1702342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>night knuckles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>my second keyboard smash show fic out of hopefully many (more are in the works)!! this was sort of rushed, hope you enjoy and as always please leave constructive criticism/kudos! love you all &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>I can’t help dreaming of you, guess I’m saying I don’t not love you…<em></em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Silent tears rolled down Ricky’s cheeks as he replayed Nini’s song over and over again. The lyrics, the melody, everything about it hurt.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He was angry. Not at her, not at anyone, but at himself. He wasn’t able to tell Nini the one thing that had been a constant in his life for so long; that he loves her.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Ricky kept watching the video. He smiled at how happy she looked. They’d been together almost a year and she continued to surprise him every day. He got so caught up in her glowing eyes and beaming smile that he forgot that just half an hour ago, he told her he wanted a break.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>He started to cry harder, no longer able to control the stream of tears leaving his eyes. It was a mistake letting her go, and what an awful one it was.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Ricky knew he loved Nini, he had known it for some time now. Sometimes he thinks he’s always known it, from the moment he met her.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>And so it was not a lack of love for Nini that was holding him back from returning the sentiment. It was something else indoctrinated within his mind that he couldn’t escape. He’d always loved Nini, this he knew. But there was doubt there, because what is love? It’s a worthy question, he thought, because how could he really truly know what love is after his parents’ relationship had turned out to be a lie? A ruse? A scheme to hide the conflict that was tearing them apart? The “love” he’d grown up seeing and idolizing wasn’t even really love.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>Thus, Ricky had cracked the code. It wasn’t him, it wasn’t Nini, it was his parents and his own self-doubt, and he resented them for holding him back.</em>
  </em>
</p><p>
      <em>I think I kinda, you know, like the way that we flow, like the way that we go. And I love, I think I kinda, you know…<em></em></em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <em>
      <em>
        <em>He let the music drown out his thoughts as he closed his eyes and let one final tear slip out, wishing he could go back and change everything.</em>
      </em>
    </em>
  </em>
</p>
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